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  I wasn’t sure how to act; I thought the only way was to pretend I wasn’t flattered. I made up an obviously plain excuse that I had some homework to finish, ditched the game and left in a baffled rush.

  I never did see those girls again, not surprising really, kids are fickle like that!

  I knew the next time that I saw Ruben I wouldn’t be able to contain the flush of colour in my face. Mum and I were sitting on the sofa watching TV a few nights later, when he walked in with Lucas.

  “Hey Squirt!” He said, using his new nickname for me. I both loved and hated it because the name ‘squirt’ just pointed out how tiny I was, but it made me feel special because no one else had a nickname from him. It made me melt inside, my mind went blank and I couldn’t do anything but murmur back at him.

  “Err hey,” I said in a frantic manner as I shuffled off to the bathroom.

  “Do you want to go outside and play?” He questioned as I started to open the door.

  “Err can do, I’ll meet you err outside.” I was beside myself that he, himself, wanted to spend time with me. I had been anticipating the next time I could enjoy some time with him, even if it was in my protective brother’s company.

  As I entered the garden he was sitting waiting for me, he explained that Lucas had already decided we’d be playing hide and seek and had run off to count.

  “Ready Luc?” Ruben shouted down the garden.

  Hearing the voice of my brother counting gave us the indication to start looking for a place that would fit the both of us. The only reason the idea formed in my mind, was because he grabbed my hand. It was like every fibre of my being was electrified by the feel of his touch.

  I felt alive.

  Not in the everyday sense of the word ‘alive’, but a new found experience of life. As I was almost eight, this was the first time I had this ecstatic feeling.

  He lead me to a small cove in the bushes at the side of the house, we crouched down, hoping the overgrown plants would hide us. I couldn’t hold back the nervous laughter that was brewing inside me.

  As he stared off into the distance to see if my brother was at the point of finding us, I held an unbreakable gaze on all the edges and angles in his face. His jaw amazed me, how it controlled the elegant and swift movement of his lips when he spoke. Maybe it was just something about the way the light shone on his face, but eleven year old boys were not supposed to look like he did.

  I knew that because the rest of the boys in my school had chubby little kid faces, just not Ruben.

  It was the first time I had been that close to him, other than when we’d played ‘Twister’, it was overwhelming but at the same time one of the moments I have cherished from my childhood.

  Can seven year olds really fall in love?

  Who knows?

  But I’m convinced I did.

  From the moment I met him, until the moment he left, I treasured those feelings, because they were mine and no one could tell me any different.

  I learnt pretty quickly after that, however, that nothing good lasts forever.

  Chapter Three

  Lydia

  Four years later

  I was eleven when I first met ‘Uncle’ Freddy. I thought instantly that he was the most beautiful man I’d ever laid eyes on and I quickly developed an avid fascination with him, so I didn’t mind that he was suddenly around all the time.

  He was old.

  Well, not old, he was thirty-three; but to an eleven year old girl, that’s old.

  I adored him anyway.

  I’d sulked home from the park that day because Lucas had yelled at me for ‘getting in his space all the time’. Apparently, it wasn’t ‘cool’ for a fourteen year old boy to be seen with his little sister.

  Honestly, it never really was about hanging around Lucas. For me, it was always about Ruben. He was still my first love, my obsession, and it had stayed with me for years, even when he started to look and act different.

  I could never figure out what changed with him, he went from being this gorgeous, slightly stocky young boy, to looking more and more drawn out and skinny every time I saw him. It didn’t make him any less beautiful to me though.

  He taunted me relentlessly, just like Lucas did but there was always something different behind his eyes. He didn’t look at me like Lucas did – he looked at me like he felt guilty for doing it, like it was all for show. He shouldn’t have bothered, I never cared what he said, as long as he was paying attention to me then I was happy.

  Girls are like that. No matter who you are or where you are from, every girl loves attention - the good kind of course. A smile here, a wink there, it made my eleven year old heart flutter and I knew I always threw him a goofy grin.

  But that day, Lucas really lost his temper with me. I stood on the side of the football pitch, watching the two of them kick the ball back and forth between themselves, desperate for one of them to ask me to join in. I wouldn’t have known the first thing about playing, but I would have given my best shot, just to be included.

  Ruben looked sad, defeated even, and I hated it. I would have gone over and asked him what was wrong but Lucas looked really angry and was throwing his hands up in the air.

  They both stopped at the same time and looked over at me. I smiled and waved, as I always did, thinking they’d wave back and go on with their game. They didn’t. Lucas looked up at the sky before turning and storming over in my direction.

  “Hi!” I called. “Can I play?”

  His hands landed on my shoulders and I winced. His grip was too strong.

  He just said, “Go home.” And I knew by the look on his face that there would be no talking him round. I pouted and his gaze softened but his grip didn’t ease.

  “Go home Lyds, you can’t be here ok?”

  Pout still firmly in place, I looked over at Ruben, he was looking everywhere else but not at me, like he was waiting for something. I nodded back at Lucas and he let me go, knocking me on the chin with his knuckles and winking at me before he turned and walked away.

  As soon as I arrived home, I knew something was wrong. Kids pick up on these things.

  My Mum looked up from her spot on the sofa and her face went pale.

  “What are you doing back? I thought you were going to play with Lucas? Go back outside.”

  I frowned at her. She wasn’t usually so harsh with me.

  Before I could answer, a tall, dark haired man strolled through my kitchen door as if he owned the place and stopped when he saw me. A sly smile spread across his face and my breathing hitched. He was so handsome.

  “Well, well, this must be little Lydia? Am I right?” He asked the room.

  I nodded and smiled shyly at him. I went to shake his hand and he took my tiny hand in both of his and knelt down to look me in the eye.

  “Aren’t you just a pretty little thing?” I blushed, I heard it often enough but coming from him, it was just different.

  “Hi...”

  “Freddy.” He answered my silent question. “But you can call me Uncle Freddy, how about that?”

  I heard a sharp intake of breath that I think came from my Dad but I couldn’t be sure.

  “Ok, hello Uncle Freddy.” I smiled and he let go of my hand.

  “Go back outside Lydia. Now.” My Mum snapped and I jumped. I pouted, why didn’t anyone want me around them?

  “GO!” She shouted and I didn’t wait around anymore.

  “Bye, Uncle Freddy!” I called as I ran out the door.

  I didn’t really have anywhere to go so I walked back to the park where Lucas and Ruben had been and sat on the swings instead of bothering them.

  I’m not sure how long I sat there feeling sorry for myself for, but the sun was setting and there was a chill in the air.

  “Boo!” The voice came from behind me and I screamed. My hands slipped from the chains holding the swing and I flew backwards. I was saved from hitting the floor when two hands came under my arms and hauled me back to my feet.

/>   “Whoa! Sorry Squirt, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Ruben?” I blushed, I couldn’t believe I’d made a total fool of myself in front of him again! “You...um...I wasn’t scared!” I declared, lifting my chin higher.

  He bit his lip to hide his smile and nodded his head. “Ok Squirt. You weren’t scared. So...you just thought you’d had enough of the swings and you wanted to lie on the floor? That right?”

  I knew he was trying to make fun of me, so I scowled at him.

  He chuckled and threw his arm around my shoulders. He was so tall even as a fourteen year old boy, I had to tilt my head back to look up at him.

  “Aww, come on now, you know I’m only teasing you.”

  “I know,” I muttered, still feeling embarrassed. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  He looked down at me and questioned me right back. “The real question here is, what are you still doing here?”

  “My Mum and Dad had a friend round and I don’t think they wanted me there. I don’t know when I’m supposed to go home.”

  “What friend?” He asked with his eyebrows drawn.

  “Uncle Freddy!” I grinned up at him, missing his whole body tensing. “I’ve never had an uncle before.”

  “Stay away from him Lyds, he’s not a nice guy.”

  “But...he was nice to me.” I frowned.

  He turned me to face him fully. “Promise me, Squirt. Promise me, if he’s there, or if you see him anywhere else, you’ll come find me yeah? Or Lucas. Or even Mason.”

  Mason was Ruben’s brother, I didn’t really know him at all. I would promise Ruben anything though, even if I didn’t understand why. “I promise, Ruben.”

  He smiled, although it wasn’t one of his usual smiles.

  “Are you ok? Are you sick?” I asked, thinking that he didn’t look very well.

  He straightened. “No, I’m fine.”

  “But your eyes look tired and your skin is all funny.” I pushed, not liking the fact that he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.

  “Lydia, I’m fine. Just go home now, ok? It’s late. And remember to come find me if you need me yeah? For anything.”

  He kissed the top of my head and I sighed. I was getting a little bit tired of people telling me what to do and where to go, but I did as I was told and went home.

  *~*~*

  Ruben

  Shit.

  I knew things were getting worse for everyone, but I didn’t want Lydia anywhere near any of it. Lucas and I had been subtly protecting her for years, even as kids.

  Most would say that we were still kids, but they would be wrong.

  I pulled my beaten up phone from my pocket; the phone that was for ‘business use only’. I snorted, business use, none of this shit was business.

  I dialled Luc’s number and sent a silent prayer to the skies that he would answer.

  “What’s up?”

  “The problem just got a whole lot worse.”

  Teenagers shouldn’t know about ‘problems’ like this, but we did. We always had.

  He didn’t say anything, so I explained.

  “Just got back home, but guess who I saw sitting in the park by herself?”

  “Fuck, really?” He knew.

  “Yep. And here’s where it gets worse. Guess why she was sitting in the park by herself?”

  “Why...?” He asked, dragging out the single word.

  “Because Mummy and Daddy dearest had a friend round and they didn’t want her there.”

  “Fuck! You’re shitting me.” He swore.

  “Uncle Freddy, had popped by for a visit.”

  “Shit. Shit! If he’s met her once, he’s going to want to see her again, and again. We can’t protect her from him. This is way too much for us.”

  I hated that he was voicing my fears. Lydia was tiny and precious and beautiful. She was also too young to look out for herself. “We sure as hell can try.”

  “What are we going to do though, Ruben? Fuck! I sent her home! If I would have just let her stay with us, then he never would have seen her.”

  I scoffed. “And what? Let her see me making deals? Jesus, Luc, that couldn’t happen either.”

  “I doubt she would have even known what was going on. It would have been the safer option, better than this clusterfuck anyway.”

  He was right, but he was also wrong. “You’ve met your sister, right? She wants to know everything. She would have asked questions and you know it.”

  I put the phone between my ear and my shoulder and reached down to empty my pockets. I counted three little clear bags half-full with toxic white powder and cringed. I hoped Mason had done a better job than I had because if not, I was going to be in some serious shit.

  Lucas sighed in my ear and I knew, he knew, that I was right. One way or another, we had to find a way to fix things.

  “Listen, I’m not supposed to use this phone so I’m going to let you go. Just keep an eye on her tonight, yeah? And if you can get one cheap, or steal one, just get her a phone and show her how to use it so she can call us if she needs us.”

  He sighed again. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll sort something. We back out again tomorrow?”

  “I am. You’ve got to stop coming with me. It’s bad enough that I’ve let you be this involved. Just protect your sister, I’ll be alright on my own.” I knew he wouldn’t go for it, but I always tried.

  “Fuck that. I know what these people are like. I’m not letting you go on your own.”

  “You’re just a kid, Luc! You shouldn’t be involved!” I tried again.

  “And what are you? A fucking pensioner? No, you’re not. You’re my brother and I’m not letting you do this shit on your own.”

  “Alright, alright,” I gave in. “Call me in the morning.”

  I hung up and lay back on my bed.

  Lucas was right. This was a clusterfuck.

  Fourteen going on forty, that’s how I felt. My bones ached, my stomach was hollow and I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. That world was feeling a whole load heavier now that Lydia was involved.

  She was like a tiny little princess and I knew I had to protect her – just how I was going to do that though, was a whole different story.

  My stomach rumbled and I remembered again that I hadn’t eaten all day. I doubted very much that there would be any food in the fridge, or the freezer, or the cupboards but I couldn’t go and check anyway for risk of seeing my Dad before I’d spoken to Mase.

  Mason is my brother, but everyone calls him Mase. He’s the one and only person that I trusted one hundred percent. I trusted Luc, but he was so out of his depth with the things we were doing, that I knew he was prone to making rash, stupid decisions.

  Mase wouldn’t do that.

  Thinking of him, I breathed a sigh of relief when he walked through my door. My eyes widened when I saw the black eye he was sporting, and the two inch slash across his arm.

  “What the fuck?” I asked, knowing what he would say.

  He lifted one shoulder and let it fall. “Freddy wasn’t happy that we’d had slow sales this week.”

  “How did you do today then?”

  “I have one left. Not too bad. But Freddy said we should be doing more than that.”

  “Jesus,” I sighed and flopped back on my bed. “We’re not miracle workers. I sold to a girl today, Mase. A little girl. Probably not much older than Lyds. I don’t think it was for her, but it’s not the point. It made me feel sick. I didn’t want to be out anymore, so I have three bags left.”

  “Shit. That’s not good. We’ll just say two each.” He offered, just like I knew he would.

  “Thanks brother.”

  He held out his fist and I bumped it with mine. We didn’t need more words. We left my room and crept down the stairs together, hoping that Dad would be sleeping.

  No such luck.

  He sneered when we walked in the lounge. Drug paraphernalia was littered across the table and Mum was passed out on the sofa. Evidently,
it had been a typical evening in the Brent household.

  “Well?” He asked. Knowing what he wanted, Mase stepped forward.

  “We got two left each.”

  A muscle in his cheek twitched and he hefted himself up to stand in front of us. I fought the urge to cower; for a drug addict, he was not a small guy.

  “You useless pricks!” He put his beefy fingers around Mase’s chin and tilted his face to inspect the purple bruise decorating his eye. “Seems I’m not the only one you’ve pissed off today.”

  He smirked and I genuinely wondered how either of us really had any of his blood running through our veins. He let go of Mase’s chin, but palmed the back of his head and lifted a finger to prod at the bruise. Mase winced and I watched his eyes water.

  “Does it hurt?” Dad asked, not even trying to contain his glee.

  Mase swallowed and stayed quiet. It was the best thing to do around the monster that was our Dad. In a flash, he swung his arm out and knocked Mase out the way.

  I gulped.

  His hand closed around my throat and pushed me against the wall.

  “You got nothing to say either?” I couldn’t even if I wanted to because his palm was pressed so tightly to my throat. Spittle flew from his mouth when he spoke. “You’re not even worth the air you breathe, but it’s not a nice feeling when you can’t. Is it?”

  He pressed harder and then let go. I sucked in a breath but my legs gave out and I slumped against the wall.

  This was my home?

  This was where I was supposed to be safe. Protected.

  I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Mase grabbed my hand and pulled me up, shuffling me towards the stairs.

  We didn’t even get the chance to look for food. No wonder Lydia had said that I looked sick.

  She was right.

  Back in the safety of my room, Mase lay down on my bed with me, like he knew I needed him there. He was only a year older than me, but sometimes it seemed like he was the adult and I was just following his lead.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Mase. This isn’t fair. We don’t deserve this!” I hated the desperation in my voice.